TRACK OF THE WEEK

Loyle Carner ft Rebel Kleff
NO CD

People like being reminded of things. And NO CD reminds you of things. Remember being so goofily obsessed with music you’d gunk all your spends on physical records? Loyle does. He rattles through calming references to Led Zep and “the crackle of the vinyl”, and there’s a chunky guitar riff draped across lowrider-funky drums that sort of recalls A Tribe Called Quest. It’s superb. And, just before it all gets a bit “Radio 2 drivetime” for the tastes of potty-mouthed millennials, Rebel Kleff rhymes “anus” with “ignoramus”. Heh. Anus! Nice one lads.

Green Day
Revolution Radio

You already know how you feel about Green Day. You a) love them, the scamps, because their songs were about getting stoned and not getting boned, just like you did and didn’t. You b) tolerate them, because somehow American Idiot was a concept album that didn’t make you want to vomit up your own hoop. Or you c) hate them, because they’re cheeseball, fortysomething millionaires with a singer who sounds like he’s got a giant exercise ball wedged where his sinuses should be. Whichever it is, you’re right. And this song – atomically identical to all their others since 2001 – proves it.

LeAnn Rimes
How To Kiss A Boy

From the school that brought you Fighting The Moonlight And The Futility Thereof comes this: a Disney-lite piano-ballad guide to getting your sloppy neck on with a lad. So come on, LeAnn. Proof’s in the pudding. “Part your lips/ Brace yourself.” Fine. Done. “Close your eyes/ Hold on tight.” Bit insistent, but all right. “It shouldn’t hurt”… No it definitely shouldn’t! If it has, then you’re doing it wrong. “You can’t help but feel destroyed”… Oh that is IT! Gerroff me, LeAnn! I’m out of here! You’re a weirdo!

Ronan Keating
In Your Arms

“Your eyes belong to fragments of nostalgia”? ”Saw pieces of you scattered ’cross the landscape”? Ronan, your timing could not be any better. Ronan, LeAnn. LeAnn, Ronan. *Backs away slowly…*

MIA ft Zayn
Freedun

This sounds exactly like the cobbled-together afterthought it evidently was. We know MIA can write lyrics. “Rolling in my swagger van/ From the People’s Republic of Swaggerstan”, however, is almost as violent an affront to human communication as the word “freedun” itself. Beyond his spiritless couplets on the chorus, the song doesn’t really know what to do with Zayn to warrant his PRS cheque, so he ends up caterwauling aimlessly through a swirling phalanx of reverb, like a jilted anime teenager weeping in a well.