If ever an album were designed to make you gag on your brussels sprouts, this is it. Still, after three decades in cinema, most famous for filming Divine eating a fresh dog turd, John Waters has gathered together his favourite alternative Christmas songs, and plumbs such depths of bad taste that it beggars belief. Imagine Dame Edna Everage singing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and you'll have a fair sense of what Tiny Tim's twittering rendition sounds like. Squeakier still are Alvin and the Chipmunks, who appear to be mainlining helium throughout their terrifying version of Sleigh Ride.

Even that isn't as scary as the many child vocalists on the album: Happy Birthday Jesus, the life of Christ as narrated by wholesome Little Cindy, is truly the stuff of nightmares. Marginally more appealing is little Akim, singing of how "Santa Claus is a black man", although the song improves considerably when mum grabs the microphone and the song magically transforms into a driving gospel funk. You almost understand why Waters spent years and huge amounts of money tracking this single down, but not quite.

Thankfully, the affection for 1950s R&B evident in his films' soundtracks isn't entirely stifled. If the album is worth hearing for anything, it's Fat Daddy's self-titled opening track, a bizarre but glowing missive from the "Santa Claus with soul", and Stormy Weather's Christmas Time Is Coming, a sneaky rewrite of the Dreamlovers' doo-wop classic When We Get Married. These are the songs to turn to when the family is driving you crazy; the rest will just drive you even more crazy.

· Download: Fat Daddy, Santa Claus Is a Black Man