You can just about see the logic: put two of the biggest bands of the past three decades together in an enormous arena. Unfortunately, even in their heyday, Blondie was never a huge touring band, INXS were on the slide in the mid-1990s and, crucially, Michael Hutchence is dead. Throw in a £27.50 ticket price and the result is a disastrous attendance and the atmosphere of a graveyard.
INXS were never a great band, but they had an incredible frontman. Without Hutchence's animal magnetism and pre-Gallagher swagger, they are an empty shell. Aussie rookie Jon Stevens - the poor soul anointed to step into Hutchence's espadrilles - looks like he'd be more at home on the beach, and bellows the songs as if at a barbecue karaoke. Stevens is oikish - "Tonight's the night," he says, bizarrely. It is more difficult to look kindly on Hutchence's former bandmates, who simply cannot allow the business to cease trading. Never Tear Us Apart sees images of Hutchence hover ominously over his hapless replacement, the lowest point in a sick, undignified spectacle.
INXS harden the heart towards the headliners, which is a shame because Blondie at least display some much-needed humanity. "Where do we go from here?" begins Debbie Harry, poignantly, as her iconic stature fades with each whirr of the air conditioning. With Harry's Warhol pinup looks restored by a subtle facelift, it is unfortunate that she is chosen to wear ballooning hotpants and a corset that looks like it once lowered people into lifeboats.
Harry was never known for her dress sense, but her voice is undiminished. With drummer Clem Burke in similarly fearsome form, the hits are as good as ever, but they sound marooned. Rip Her To Shreds was not designed to be hurled into a vast space festooned with burger bars. As if to prove that they're worth more, Blondie throw in two new songs and some well-chosen obscurities. However, a sinister Fade Away (And Radiate) loses the crowd, who are halfway to the exits by the time Harry returns for Heart of Glass. It is a typically unfortunate moment in a night of little grace.
· At Newcastle Telewest Arena (0870 7078000) tonight, then touring.
