What makes Peter Andre proudest these days? Is it his unlikely comeback at a point when the one-time teen idol was probably expecting to spend the rest of his days in obscurity? Is it landing "glamour" model Jordan as his consort? Or is it that torso, still the oak-hewn wonder it was in his 1996 glory days? No; what tickles him most, it seems, is inventing a new word - "insania" - which he unveiled during his reincarnation on I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here. It's an apt label for most of the kids here tonight, whose snuffling and yapping roundly qualify as insania. It's harder to apply to Andre himself, who's nothing more or less than an everyday slab of beefcake. That his new lease of idoldom has much to do with his choice of girlfriend is emphatically proved when Jordan arrives with her son and the crowd erupt. Asked why she's so excited, one girl impatiently barks: "Because it's Jordan!"

Jordan, it must be said, makes a better celeb than Andre, who has neither Usher's smuttiness nor Justin Timberlake's R&B instincts. It's hard to tell, in fact, just what he's for. There's a vacancy for a UK-based idol now that Ronan Keating has become a golf-playing dad, but is this musclebound Australian the man for the job? In the credit column, his engagingly sunny voice makes 90 minutes of urban-flavoured hits, misses and -eh? - a cover of Hotel California ripple past painlessly. He's pleasantly self-deprecating ("They told me this was the fastest sell-out ever at this venue and I have to ask - why?") and, of course, there's that teak six-pack, unveiled after three songs, to the anguish of everyone.

In the debit column, however, is an utter lack of sexiness that makes rump-shaking dance moves seem like callisthenics, and the supposedly seductive Mysterious Girl feel like a terrace chant. Where's the beef in this cake? His hapless amiability makes him more big brother than potential boyfriend, which isn't nearly insania enough.

· At the Apollo, Manchester (08709 913 913), tonight. Then touring.